You Might Have Emophilia If You Fall in Love Too Quickly

We've all had those relationships where we feel swept up in the idea of someone new soon after meeting them. We might decide they are the one very quickly, or that we've fallen in love faster than ever before. It is common for this to happen once or twice, but if you are someone who chases the rush of falling in love and frequently finds yourself in rapid romantic attachments, you may have emophilia.

Previously known as emotional promiscuity, emophilia is a condition where you fall in love quickly and easily. It might seem harmless at first glance, but the condition can actually have significant negative impact on your life.

Emophilia is not a pathology or diagnosable mental health condition but high levels can result in risky behaviors, emotional dysregulation, and tumultuous relationships. Let's look at the signs and symptoms of emophilia, what causes it, and how you can navigate dating and relationships differently for more real, lasting, and sustainable connections.

Signs and Characteristics

People with emophilia experience the sensation of being in love without the time or knowledge of another person that most of us need in order to have that feeling. They may think someone new is "the one" over and over again, from one person to the next.

So how does that present? Dr. Patrice Le Goy says that "signs that you may be experiencing emophilia is that you fall in love quickly and immediately become emotionally attached in your relationships before the other person has proven themselves worthy of your affection."

"Symptoms of emophilia may include ignoring signs or red flags that your partner is toxic or not a good fit for you," says Le Goy. This can be downright dangerous. She explains, "people who experience this may find that they end up with self-centered or even narcissistic partners because they are not taking the time to evaluate whether the relationship is healthy for them because they are too obsessed with the feeling of being in love and the idealized version of the person." If you resonate with this in your life, emophilia may be something to consider.

Though people with emophilia don't always engage in risky behavior, it is a common characteristic of the issue. "This person may also be more likely to engage in risky behavior, such as unprotected sex early in a relationship because of their belief that this person is 'the one' and that they are going to be together forever," Le Goy tells us. Additionally, someone with emophilia might find themselves in a relationship situation that is hard to get out of, as they got in too deep too quickly. Falling in love before discovering that your new partner is dangerous in any way could pose huge risks to your life and wellness.

Understanding the Causes of Emophilia

Unfortunately, there isn't one simple known cause for emophilia. That said, we do have some ideas about what causes it. "I would not say the cause of emophilia is definitively known but experts think it is linked to imbalances of 'feel good hormones' such as dopamine and serotonin," says Le Goy. People with emophilia can be unfaithful, which could also be caused by the search for feel-good hormones and chasing the rush and excitement of falling in love.

Emophilia may also be related to other personality traits, specifically what is known as the Dark Triad. This is a combination of narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. One study noted that "emophilia showed satisfactory discriminant validity (r < 00.40) against the personality traits included." There is also the potential for people with emophila to not possess any of these traits and personality disorders, but be attracted to others with them.

As far as how common it is, that's hard to say because there is no specific quantifiable test for it. "I think we all know people who seem to always be in love or have found “the one” and these people might be experiencing emophilia but it is likely on a spectrum and can be either somewhat harmless or very damaging to your personal emotional growth and relationships," Le Goy tells us.

How Emophilia Affects Relationships

As you may suspect, emophilia can cause romantic relationships to be fraught with problems, and it can make someone jump from one relationship to the next at a high frequency.

The initial rush of feel-good chemicals may not last long enough to sustain a relationship long term, and someone who declared the other person "the one" right from the start might have a complex time getting out of the situation. And because so little screening was done before the relationships became serious, the other person could be problematic in ways that aren't immediately obvious

Emophilia can affect the length of relationships, making them either too short or too long, neither of which serves the people in them. "It affects relationships by not allowing them to fully develop nor to end if they are not healthy," says Le Goy.

Beyond that, the relationship may not have the depth it otherwise could. Le Goy explains that "by heightening and falsely exaggerating the relationship connection, people miss out on being realistic, authentic and requiring the same of their partner."

Take The Healthy Relationship Quiz

Sometimes, it can be hard to tell how your relationship is going from inside of it. If you're wondering how healthy your dynamic really is, take this free relationship quiz to find out:

Strategies for Overcoming Emophilia

It may be helpful to reflect and write out a list of the personal green flags and red flags of qualities you seek in a potential partner. What characteristics are wants or desires—like charisma and beauty—and what traits are non-negotiables and dealbreakers—like active addiction, dishonesty, cruelty, and abusiveness?

It may also be helpful to consider the feedback of trusted loved ones who are looking out for you and your well-being. Sometimes others can see things we can't, especially for those with a history of emophilia.

It's important to really get to know someone during the dating process. Be careful not to idealize someone you've just met or put them on a pedestal and observe if their actions are consistent over time.

Bottom Line

As with any emotional issue, help is available for emophilia. Beginning the process of therapy to understand what causes your behaviors and how you can change them can be invaluable. You can choose to work with whatever type of therapist feels right for you; someone who specializes in relationships and/or attachment can be particularly useful.

Emophilia may be easier to address while you are single, rather than in the intensity of an exciting new romantic relationship or as you are actively looking for a new love interest. By pausing to reflect while single, you can intentionally make and protect time to change your habits and patterns. "People can work on overcoming emophilia by slowing down the process of allowing relationships to become serious and also taking some time to be single and not rush from one relationship into the next," suggests Le Goy.