How to Identify Financial Abuse in a Relationship

Red flags that your partner is using money to control you

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Updated on July 14, 2024

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When most people think of domestic abuse, the first thing that comes to mind is likely verbal abuse and physical assault. Abuse is more than just physical violence. Research shows that other forms of abuse—including financial abuse—occur just as frequently in unhealthy relationships.

Older research has suggested that 99% of domestic violence cases also involved financial abuse. However, estimates about the prevalence of economic abuse vary. Some studies indicate that the prevalence rates in the U.S. range from 52% to 98%.

At a Glance

Financial abuse is often the first sign of dating violence and domestic abuse. That's why identifying financial abuse is critical to your safety and security. It is characterized by attempts to control, use, or manage your financial resources. The abuser may take your money, control your ability to earn money, or create debt in your name, among other things. Keep reading to learn more about financial abuse, key signs to watch for, and how to get help.

What Exactly Is Financial Abuse?

Financial abuse involves controlling a victim's ability to acquire, use, and maintain financial resources. Those who are victimized financially may be prevented from working, or the abuser may attempt to control how they use the money they earn.

While less commonly understood than other forms of abuse, financial abuse is one of the most powerful methods of keeping a victim trapped in an abusive relationship.

Research shows that victims often are too concerned about their ability to provide financially for themselves and their children to end the relationship. Financial insecurity is also one of the top reasons women return to an abusive partner.

Men can be victims of abuse as well. Because financial abuse is recognized as a form of domestic violence,approximately 1 in 7 men (18 years and older) will experience a form of domestic violence.

Like other forms of intimate partner violence, the goal of financial abuse is to gain power and control in a relationship.

How to Spot the Signs of Financial Abuse

Overall, financial abuse is very isolating because victims often become financially dependent on their abusers. This financial dependence traps them in the relationship. Without resources, they are unable to see a way out of their situation.

If you're in a relationship, it's extremely important that you can identify financial abuse before it escalates and you're stripped of your credit history and employment opportunities.

Below is an overview of the way financial abuse is perpetrated. Some abusers may use all of these tactics while others may only use one or two. Regardless of whether the abusive person is using one tactic or 10, it's still considered financial abuse. Here are some ways in which people are abused financially.

Exploiting Your Resources

When a dating partner or spouse uses or controls the money you have earned or saved, they are exploiting your resources.

Here are some examples of this exploitation:

Controlling or spending your money: This may involve trying to control your use of or access to money you have earned or saved. They may also use your assets for their personal benefit without asking, including taking money or using credit cards without permission.
Ruining your credit history: They might do this by running up limits and then not paying bills or claiming to make payments or pay bills in your name but not following through.
Feeling entitled to your money or assets: They might demand that you turn over your paycheck, passwords, and credit cards. They might also expect you to pay for their bills or their obligations or require you to bail them out of difficult financial situations
Interfering with your finances: This can involve using offers to help with your budget or financial decisions as a cover for gaining control over your finances. They might confiscate your paycheck or other sources of income, intercept or open your bank statements and other financial records, or threaten to lie to officials and claim you are "cheating or misusing benefits."

Financial abuse can take many forms. People may have their own money restricted or stolen by the abuser. Rarely do they have complete access to money and other resources. When they do have money, they often have to account for every penny they spend.

Interfering With Your Job

When a dating partner or spouse attempts to control your ability to earn money or gain assets, they are interfering with your income potential. Here are some examples of job interference.

Criticizing and minimizing your job or choice of career
Pressuring you to quit your job—sometimes even using children as an excuse
Telling you where you can and cannot work
Sabotaging your work responsibilities
Harassing you at work by calling, texting, or stopping by
Preventing you from working by hiding your keys, unhooking your car battery, taking your car without permission, or offering to babysit and then not showing up
Forcing you to work for a family business without compensation or benefits

Controlling Shared Assets and Resources

When a dating partner or spouse has complete control over the money in the relationship and you have little or no access to what you need, this is controlling the family resources. Here are some examples of controlling shared resources and assets.

Criticizing every financial decision you make and requiring you to account for every penny you spend (may even ask for receipts and change)
Having a double standard when it comes to their spending (they may spend money on entertainment, dining out, and clothing but criticize you when you make similar purchases)
Making significant financial decisions without your input, refusing to collaborate on finances, and limiting your access to the overall financial picture as a couple
Limiting your access to money by not allowing you to have bank accounts or credit cards, or by withholding financial information such as account passwords, account numbers, and investment information
Hiding or taking funds and putting them in a private account, insisting you share your income but refusing to share theirs, or refusing to work or contribute to the family income
Controlling the 'purse strings,' forcing you to ask for money, or establishing unrealistic limits or allowances
Demanding that you ask permission before spending money but not consulting you when they make purchases, and requiring that large, joint purchases be in their name only (such as car loans, mortgages, cell phones, or apartment leases)

Becoming enraged over money and then engaging in other forms of abuse like name-calling or physical violence
Evading or refusing to pay child support and dragging out divorce proceedings to cripple you financially

Recap

Financial abuse doesn't always look the same, so that means it can vary from one situation to the next. Sometimes, an abuser may use subtle tactics like manipulation, while other abusers may be more overt, demanding, and intimidating.

Devastating Effects of Financial Abuse

The effects of financial abuse are often devastating. It's important to remember that financial abuse is often accompanied by emotional abuse. This can also undermine a person's ability to deal with the situation. People also sometimes struggle to meet their basic needs, so they not be able to secure food and other necessities because they have no money.

In the short term, this financial abuse leaves victims vulnerable to physical abuse and violence. Without access to money, credit cards, and other financial assets, it's extremely difficult to devise a plan to escape the situation safely.

For instance, if an abuser is particularly violent and the victim needs to leave to stay safe, this is difficult without money or a credit card. And if they need to leave the relationship permanently, finding safe and affordable housing is challenging. They also struggle to provide necessities like food, clothing, and transportation.

Those who do manage to escape an abusive situation often face extreme difficulties in obtaining long-term housing, safety, and security.

Financial abuse also has long-term effects. This abuse makes it hard to maintain a steady employment history, which can make finding work in the future more challenging. Because it often leads to ruined credit histories, outstanding debts, and mounting legal issues, the effects can last years and make it very hard to rebuild lasting financial security.

Consequently, it's tough for them to establish independence and long-term security. In fact, many victims stay with or return to abusers due to concerns about financial stability. Financial abuse can also have other long-term effects, including problems with self-esteem and problems with trust in relationships.

How to Get Help

If you are experiencing financial abuse, there are steps that you can take to protect yourself. Leaving the relationship is often the best solution. Other strategies that you can use to protect yourself and get help:

Protect Your Personal Information

Contact your bank and credit card company and ask them to change your account information, including your PIN and access codes. Once you have changed these, do not share them with anyone else.

Access Your Credit Report

Find out more about your financial situation by requesting a free credit report from annualcreditreport.com. Doing this will allow you to see if your abuser has opened up other accounts or lines of credit in your name.

Prepare for the Future

If you cannot leave your abuser immediately, you can take steps to prepare for the future. Open a new account and hide cash where your abuser cannot find it.

Find Support

Talking to trusted loved ones can provide support, care, and encouragement. Loved ones may also offer resources, such as housing and financial support if you decide to end the relationship.

How to Help Someone Experiencing Financial Abuse

If you think that someone you know is experiencing financial abuse, there are things you can do to help.

Some strategies that can be helpful include:

Helping them document the abuse
Holding money for them so they can save up
Offering rides to or from work
Letting them use your address to set up a personal bank account and to send and receive mail

According to the National Domestic Abuse Hotline, always check with the individual first before you offer support. Find out what they are comfortable with and what would work for their specific situations.

Takeaways

If you suspect that your partner or spouse is financially abusive, contact an advocate, a counselor, or a religious leader right away. Financial abuse is not something that gets better with time. In fact, it often escalates and can lead to other types of abuse.

If you do not have a counselor or religious leader who can help, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for confidential assistance from trained advocates. The key is to address financial abuse right away.

For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.

8 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

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National Domestic Violence Hotline. What is financial abuse?
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By Sherri Gordon
Sherri Gordon, CLC is a published author, certified professional life coach, and bullying prevention expert. She's also the former editor of Columbus Parent and has countless years of experience writing and researching health and social issues.

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