How Micro-Flirting Can Gently Promote Connection

Even for people bursting with confidence, flirting can sometimes be a challenge. It's hard to put yourself out there and risk rejection, especially when that rejection could occur right in front of you, by someone you like. Enter micro-flirting, a safer and lower-key way of showing another person that you have interest in them.

Micro-flirting is flirting but on the down low. It's cautious, more based on subtext and body language than overtness, and if someone doesn't respond to it, you won't actually be getting rejected. Were you even flirting? Who's to say!

Micro-flirting can be used in a variety of settings, from social to workplace, and it errs on the side of caution. In turn, this can help you make sure you never cross any important boundaries or lines. We'll show you everything you need to know about how to become a micro-flirting expert.

What Is Micro-Flirting, Exactly?

Micro-flirting is showing your interest in someone in a way that isn't over the top. "In different scenarios, such as the workplace or social gatherings, micro-flirting manifests through really careful signs of attention and interest," explains Tanya Dmitrieva, certified sex therapist and co-founder of the wellness platform Deep "It's about making a connection without stepping over the line, creating a comfortable atmosphere for communication," she adds.

What you say, and what you don't, can be micro-flirting. Body language and non-verbal cues both play an important role; those can include anything from smiling to touching your hair to gently to standing close to someone while you're talking together. Verbal context can include compliments on their clothing or a personality attribute, or asking them a variety of questions about themself.

In the workplace, micro-flirting may be asking someone about what they did during their time off from work, or complimenting them on their work on a recent project. In a social setting, it can present as choosing one person to converse with in a room full of friends, making eye contact with them throughout the conversation, or even just letting them know how happy you are to see them at the gathering.

Benefits and Advantages

By enabling you to be subtle, micro-flirting can keep a situation from turning bad. "The advantage of micro-flirting is that it lets you respect personal space and boundaries right from the start, preventing awkward situations," says Dmitrieva. It can also enhance your connection with someone by creating an intentional environment in which you're making sure they know you care for them.

"It's a proactive stance that allows expressing sympathy and interest towards a person delicately, while maintaining ethical and eco-friendly communication standards," says Dmitrieva. This is a stress reliever, because it keeps you from having to worry about rejection, as well as keeps your behavior aligned with someone else's boundaries. You can gradually become more confident in your ability to engage with others, and it can lead to more confidence in more overt flirting, too.

Lastly, this techniques is great for adding fun to your life. "Micro-flirting also promotes a sense of lightness and playfulness in life, strengthens social connections, and can be the beginning of deeper relationships," says Dmitrieva. Without having to worry or stress about the future, you can craft an easygoing beginning to what may become a bigger relationship.

Who is Micro-flirting for?

Anyone can be an effective micro-flirter. That said, this technique is particularly beneficial for shy people, less confident in their flirting, or fear rejection. It's great for anyone anxious, or an overthinker who doesn't want to worry later about how they behaved in a past interaction. It's good for people who don't have a lot of experience in relationships, such as young people.

It's also a fit for introverts who may find it hard to engage with others or have a challenging time speaking with people they don't know well. The subtleties of micro-flirting, such as eye contact or standing close to someone, can be employed even by people who get tongue-tied when communicating verbally.

Techniques and Strategies for Effective Micro-Flirting

The great news about micro-flirting is how hard it would be to do it wrong. It's not all that different from the talking to people you're probably used to, and it's also not terribly different from regular flirting. It combines two techniques we already employ in life into one style of actions. Here are some ways to try it.

• Eye contact: Dmitrieva suggests you have a "direct gaze into the eyes and maintain eye contact when looked at.
• Subtle compliments: There's no need to be dramatic. Simple compliments and and playful banter are perfect.
• Discuss feelings: Bringing up your feelings and asking about someone else's can foster intimacy. Dmitrieva suggests that you discuss feelings to allow for a deeper level of understanding with one another.
• Body language: You'll want to practice "unobtrusive gestures, such as a light touch on the shoulder or hand depending on the level of closeness with the person," she recommends.
• Attentiveness: Make it clear that this person has your attention. In addition to eye contact and engaging in conversation, Dmitrieva says it can be helpful to show that you remember information you've learned about them in the past.

Misinterpretations and Challenges

The biggest challenge of micro-flirting is the same as its biggest benefit: By being subtle, it can also read as ambiguous.

You might think you're micro-flirting, but the other person might have no idea! In turn, you could think they don't like you because they didn't respond to your engagement. Micro-flirting can be seen as simple friendly interest, as appropriate workplace behavior or team building, or even just as politeness. Any of these can thwart your attempts to make it clear to someone that you have feelings for them.

When micro-flirting is done clearly enough that someone is aware you like them, there is the potential that they won't return the sentiment. You could then wind up feeling rejected, just like if you had flirted with them more conventionally. If you're rejected, you'll probably want to treat it similarly to any other rejection.

"To overcome difficulties and misunderstandings in micro-flirting, including rejection and interpreting mixed signals, it's important to be able to adequately respond to feedback," says Dmitrieva. This holds true for mixed signals as well. Because micro-flirting is focused on subtlety, you don't need to be terribly overt with people, but you do always want to properly show you understand the signals you're receiving when you do.

As with every interaction in life, you'll want to avoid harassing others and always respect their boundaries. "If the attention is not positively received, you should step back and respect the person's boundaries," says Dmitrieva. She notes that "this requires flexibility and the ability to not take rejection personally, seeing it as an opportunity to adjust one's approach or shift attention to other aspects of communication."

It's also important to keep in mind that people respond to others' engagement with them based on the setting they're in. Outward flirting should generally be avoided at work because it can quickly morph into harassment, so people likely have stronger and firmer boundaries around the behavior they accept in the workplace. Workplace harassment also has negative health incomes.

Always ensure that your behavior is consistent with the environment you are in, to avoid making others uncomfortable.

Be Ethical About It

Respecting the boundaries of others and obtaining their consent before any invasive moves is key to micro-flirting successfully, and to interacting with other people successfully at large. You never want to abuse your power, such as micro-flirting with a subordinate at work or a student you teach.

Never manipulate others through flirting, whether overt or subtle, and err on the side of too little rather than too much when it comes to invading anyone's personal space. Remember that you always have to base your actions on what's appropriate for the context you're in.

"The boundaries between micro-flirting and explicit flirting are quite conditional and depend on the individual characteristics of the participants, the context of the interaction, and mutual responsiveness," explains Dmitrieva.

Micro-flirting is a version of flirting—only less obvious. It takes the practices of flirting and minimizes them so that they are less invasive. In turn, this reduces your risk of being rejected, because you aren't showing interest in someone in a way that's as straightforward. Micro-flirting can be done through eye contact, proximity to another, or engagement in conversation. It has the downside of being less obvious, so there is a risk someone might not know you're even doing it. But thanks to its subtlety, it's a fit for anyone shy, inexperienced, or anxious.