How to Deal With Social Anxiety at a Party

Get Ready for the Party

Start thinking early about how you will spend your time relaxing before the party. If possible, make sure that you have at least a few hours of downtime to prepare. Try spending time on yourself. Some ideas might include the following:

• A lavender bath
• Good book
• Favorite hobby
• Workout

Choose What to Bring

Although you will not always need to bring a gift to a party, there are occasions when it will be appropriate. Similar to choosing your clothing, purchasing gifts should be done as much in advance as possible.

This will give you time to put thought into your choices and to ask others for advice if you are unsure about what to bring. Typical gifts for the host might include:

• Bottle of wine (if they drink alcohol)
• Dessert
• Flowers or a plant
• Kitchen accessory or utensil (think unusual, something the host might not buy for themself)

Decide When to Arrive

If you suffer with social anxiety, it is better to arrive at the party on time or a little early, than to be fashionably late. Arriving early allows you to meet guests as they arrive, rather than walking into a large group and facing a long list of introductions.

Think About How to Approach People

If you find yourself at a party where you don't know anyone (kudos to you for going), the first hurdle will be to find someone with whom you can talk. Look for a friendly face in the crowd. Perhaps there is someone who also appears to be alone. Make a general comment about your surroundings such as:

• "The food looks really good"
• "Perfect weather for an outdoor party"

If the person does not reciprocate, try again with someone else. The best way to enter a group at a party is through the introduction of one of its members. If you see someone break apart from a group, try approaching that person one-on-one.

Consider What to Talk About

If you have little experience talking to others, it can be hard to know what to talk about at a party. There are some things that you can prepare beforehand, such as funny jokes or interesting stories. It is best to talk about topics that are mainstream. Some examples include:

• Current events
• Favorite movies
• Music
• Restaurants
• Sports

Ask questions and try to find common interests with others. Make sure that your questions are open-ended and encourage conversation. For example, it's better to ask, "How do you like being a veterinarian?" than "So, you are a veterinarian?"

Be sure to also listen to the answers rather than waiting to jump in with your own comment. One way to make sure you listen well is to plan to tell someone else what you learned from the conversation. This will encourage you to ask questions and pay attention.

Choose What to Eat and Drink

Try to limit alcohol consumption when at a party. Although it can be tempting to use alcohol to feel less anxious, the danger of alcoholism is great for those who suffer with social anxiety.

If you do drink, do so in moderation and eat food to offset the effects of the alcohol. If eating in front of others is an anxiety trigger for you, make sure to eat at least a little something before you go, to be on the safe side.

Find Things to Do

Taking part in games and activities with others may feel like you are being put in the spotlight. However, it is important to at least try to participate. Remember, the objective is not to be the best or to win the game.

The goal is to get to know the people at the party and feel more comfortable with them. You might find after a rousing game of pictionary or some bocce ball that you've developed a bond with your new friends.

Have Coping Strategies Prepared

Have coping strategies in place in case you find yourself overwhelmed with anxiety. Identify a place that you can go to decompress, and go there if needed.

Choose When to Leave

Set a time limit before you go to a party and stick to your exit plan. Knowing how much time you will spend in advance should help to reduce anxiety. If you find that you are having fun and want to stay longer, great.

If on the other hand, you don't think that you can stay the entire time, know that it is OK to slip away early. Feel good for staying as long as you did.