How to Get Over a Crush, According to Dating Experts

Crushing on someone is at once incredibly exhilarating and frightening. Will they like you back with the same level of intensity? Do they notice you looking their way or hear you gushing about them to a friend? When you’re together, do they feel that same feeling of butterflies or longing that you experience? It can seriously hurt when they don't.

These deep feelings of infatuation are normal, very real, and completely valid. This is true even if you’ve only been on a few dates, have been friends for years, or haven’t even spoken to each other before. 

“We cannot help who we develop feelings for, nor can we control the strength of those feelings. How we feel is simply how we feel,” says Michele Goldman, PsyD., a psychologist and advisor at the Hope for Depression Research Foundation. “And it is true that there are some people we have an intense emotional connection with, even after just interacting with them briefly.”

As valid as these feelings are, though, sometimes it’s best to redirect our energy elsewhere instead of getting caught in a loop of deep pining. But how do you know when it's officially time to move on? And what’s the best way to get over a crush once you decide that’s the best path forward? Let’s explore.

Signs You Should Move On From a Crush

Our emotional experiences are what they are, but that doesn’t mean we cannot take pause to examine our feelings and behaviors.

In some cases, focusing on our crush can prevent us from moving forward with others, or keep us in a spiral of intense feelings that aren’t healthy for us. 

Here are some signs it’s time to get over a crush. 

• You’ve never met this person in real life and there’s a small likelihood you ever will. 
• They have expressed interest in someone else, or are currently in a relationship with another.
• You’ve expressed your feelings and they have told you they aren’t interested or comfortable pursuing a relationship with you. 
• They are actively rude or dismissive of you.
• They’ve given you confusing signals about whether they are interested in pursuing you. For example, maybe they express interest in you one day and then ignore you later. 
• The effort put into the relationship is mostly one-sided, with you initiating most contact or engagements. 
• You obsessively think about the other person, to the point that it detracts from life, school, work, or other relationships. 

7 Tips for Moving On From a Crush

Getting over someone you have a crush on can be hard to navigate when you're experiencing strong feelings for someone. However, if any of the above reasons to get over a crush ring true, then it’s time to start moving on from these feelings.

Humanize Them 

When we have a crush on someone else, we tend to idolize the person and end up putting them on a pedestal or losing sight of reality. Reframing our perspective on the situation, and humanizing your crush, might help to shift things back into a clearer view.  

“Acknowledge the things you like about your crush, as these are real and a significant part of why you developed feelings for them. Also acknowledge traits that you might not like. Sit with those and examine them to help bring the crush into a more balanced perspective,” says Goldman. 

She says to also consider how their values may differ from your own, and how that might be misaligned with what you want from a romantic relationship.

Journal and Make a List of Green, Yellow, and Red Flags

It’s always nice to have a space to sit with your feelings and examine them. We gather lots of data when we take that time. Journaling is a great way to cipher through complex thoughts and emotions. 

“Grab your favorite notebook or your notes app, head outside, breathe deep, and see what comes out on the page,” says Bonnie Scott, therapist and founder of Mindful Kindness Counseling. “You can also brainstorm a list of green, yellow, and red flags you noticed in this crush relationship.” 

Avoid or Minimize Contact 

You know the phrase “out of sight, out of mind?” It rings true when dealing with a hard-to-shake crush. The less they’re in your direct view—or even your periphery—the easier it’ll be to move on. If you’re actively in contact with the other person, step away from interactions for a while to help you cool off. That might mean avoiding the places they hang out, unfollowing them on social media, or avoiding texts for a while. 

Prioritize Yourself 

Along with minimizing interactions with your crush, find “distractions” by focusing your attention on yourself. That means investing in hobbies that are interesting to you, spending time with loved ones, and exploring new friendships. “Make sure you’re eating well, sleeping well, and getting some movement into your week,” adds Goldman. This could also be a good time to practice self-awareness around your thought patterns, the type of relationships you pursue, and what makes you tick.

Practice Acceptance 

Do your best to accept the situation and work on letting go of the "what if.” It’s easy to hold onto the hope of potential when you never really got to stage one of a relationship with someone.

You're left wondering if maybe one day they will change their mind and become interested in dating you, but it's better to let that idea go and focus on finding someone who will truly appreciate you. Also, know that you're not alone in these deep feelings. Studies have shown that feelings of unrequited love are very profound.

“Additionally, be kind and compassionate to yourself around self-talk,” says Goldman. “It is possible that after we realize a crush does not reciprocate feelings, we might have some negative assumptions of what this means about ourselves. Combat that with positive and kind supportive talk about the self.” 

Meet New People

Chances are you’ve learned a lot about yourself from this crush. You’ve got a better understanding of the good feelings that come from connecting with someone, and you’ve learned what characteristics draw you to a person and which turn you away. Now could be a great time to branch out and meet new people. 

“Check your library for group meetups, or other community calendars,” Scott says. “That way you can do free stuff with other people who share your interests, and it’s a laid back, no alcohol environment.” 

Maybe these people will become friends, or maybe you’ll discover a romantic spark. Either way, it’s a win for you! 

Say No to Being Someone’s “Maybe” 

Remember, you deserve someone who is equally excited about you. Investing time into a relationship that’s unlikely to go nowhere is a recipe for prolonged heartache.

Also, wrapping yourself up in a crush means that you’re not able to put energy into situations or relationships that are deeply fulfilling.

When you let go of your crush, you open the door for something really exciting to take its place.