How to Mentally Prepare for Fatherhood, According to a Parenting Coach

Finding out that you’re going to be a father can be life-changing, particularly if it’s your first time. Being a father is a very special role and you’re probably feeling excited, scared, and nervous all at the same time.

These feelings can be a little overwhelming but don’t worry, you’re not alone. It’s very normal for people who are becoming fathers to feel anxious and uncertain, says Alysha Price, a parenting coach and author of “It’s Not Complicated.”

While you may never feel completely “ready” to take on fatherhood, there are steps you can take to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally. Doing your research, staying actively involved in the pregnancy, and intentionally deciding what kind of father you want to be can help you be more prepared for fatherhood.

Do Your Research

Whether you prefer reading books, listening to podcasts, watching videos, consulting experts, or attending classes, there’s lots of helpful information available for expecting parents.

Knowing what stage of development the fetus is at can help you feel connected to your baby even before they are born and make the experience feel more real.

Moreover, knowing what to expect during pregnancy, the birthing process and the early years of your child’s life can help you feel more confident and prepared.

Be Actively Involved in the Pregnancy

Your journey as a father begins well before your baby is born. Confirming the pregnancy, seeing the fetus on an ultrasound, and hearing its heartbeat for the first time are some of the major milestones to look forward to at this time.

Being actively involved in the pregnancy can help you enjoy this time, connect with your partner, and support them through the process.

If you're going to be raising the baby with a former partner, as a co-parent, it can be helpful to discuss and mutually agree upon your involvement in this process.

Accept That Life Will Change

One of the scariest things about becoming a parent is that your life as you know it will change. Parenting is a full-time responsibility that is very different from any other role you’ve ever had, such as being a son, brother, friend, student, or working professional.

So far, your needs, thoughts, and desires have taken center stage. However, all of that will change when you become a parent because you will be responsible for an infant who is dependent on you for everything.

If you’re wondering whether you will be able to cope with all the changes, it’s important to understand that as your life changes, you will also change. “Parenthood changes people. For some, becoming a father is their first real understanding of unconditional love,” says Price.

Reflect on Your Childhood

As you get ready to be a parent, it can be helpful to reflect on your childhood. Thinking back on your memories as a child can help you relive the experience and connect with that part of yourself.

It can also be helpful to consider how your own upbringing has shaped the person you are today. Evaluating the caregiving influences in your life can help you decide what kind of parent you want to be to your child.

Picture What Kind of Father You Want to Be

It can be helpful to spend some time thinking about your values and what kind of father you want to be to your child. You can visualize yourself as a dad and picture yourself in different kinds of situations with your child.

For example, you can picture yourself holding your child for the first time, hearing them laugh, or holding their hand. You can also picture the less glamorous aspects of being a father, like feeding your child, bathing them, or changing their diaper. It may also be helpful to think of different challenges that may arise and how you would respond to them.

Visualizing these scenarios can help you feel more mentally prepared for the role.

Don’t Be Pressured By Gender Roles

One of the hardest things about becoming a father is the unspoken expectation that the world puts on men to provide financially, says Price.

Price recommends doing away with the narrative about what makes someone a man and the stigma surrounding people who don’t fit into stereotypical gender roles. “Be willing to create a new vision and experience for your own family. It’s OK to do things your way.”

Remember, Parenting Isn't Easy and It's OK to Not Be OK

While parenting can be joyful and rewarding, it’s not always easy. The first year can be especially challenging as you’re exhausted, stressed out, sleep-deprived, and trying to take care of an infant.

In fact, a 2023 survey of 1,600 fathers in the US conducted by Verywell Mind and Parents found that 21% of men experienced postpartum depression. It typically occurs within the first year of having a child.

While movies and social media can sometimes portray parents as perfect beings who have it all together, the reality is not always so. Some days may be a breeze and you may be able to do everything you intended to do. Other days can feel like an uphill struggle.

It’s important to keep your expectations realistic. Be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack. Practice self-care and don’t neglect your physical and mental health.

Build Your Support System

It can be helpful to build your support system in advance, so you have help when you’re feeling tired, overwhelmed, and out of your depth.

It can be helpful to talk to:

• Your partner/co-parent: Have an open and honest discussion with your partner/co-parent about parenting roles and styles. It can be helpful to align your expectations and decide how you will divide tasks, roles, and responsibilities between you. Look for ways to help and support each other.
• Friends and family members: Enlist the support of close friends and family members. Ask them what tasks they might be able to help with and what their availability is like.
• Other parents: Other parents in your neighborhood or social circle can be a valuable source of inspiration, resources, and advice. It can be helpful to befriend other parents and talk to them about your concerns and experiences.
• Healthcare team members: Your healthcare team may consist of a gynecologist, nurse practitioner, doula, or midwife, among others. Ask them your questions and share your concerns with them.
• Mental healthcare providers: Many people grow up with fathers who advised them to not show vulnerability or emotion, or fathers who were abusive or absent, says Price. If becoming a father is bringing back difficult memories from your childhood or if you’re feeling scared and overwhelmed at becoming a father, it may be helpful to seek therapy with a mental healthcare provider.

Don’t be afraid to ask others for help or clarification. Ask as many questions as possible and be willing to accept help, says Price. “You can’t know everything and not knowing doesn’t make you less of a leader or provider.”

Frequently Asked Questions