How to Navigate and Manage an Autistic Meltdown, From an Autistic Psychologist

Autistic people often experience heightened sensitivity to sensory input, which means they experience certain sensations more strongly than non-autistics. Because the world is designed based on neurotypical standards and needs, many environments can be overwhelming for autistic people. Lights, sounds, smells, textures, and other sensory inputs that non-autistics often do not even notice can quickly overload autistic people.

When an autistic person becomes overwhelmed to the point that they can no longer self-regulate, they may experience an autistic meltdown. Meltdowns are not “temper tantrums” or oppositionality, and an autistic person who is experiencing a meltdown is not in control of their behavior. Meltdowns are exhausting and can be unsafe, but fortunately, they can be prevented or managed safely when the autistic person receives appropriate support.

If you are autistic, you can learn to identify and meet your sensory needs to prevent meltdowns, as well as how to take care of yourself if a meltdown occurs anyway. If you are not autistic but have autistic loved ones, read on to understand how to support them through meltdowns.

What Is an Autistic Meltdown?

For an autistic person, a meltdown is a response to overwhelm. A meltdown can look different for everyone, but often involves verbal or physical aggression towards other people, objects, or themselves, yelling, and crying. When an autistic person reaches the point where they're having a meltdown, they are no longer in control of their body or their response.

Ashley Cairns, an autistic counselor, defined a meltdown as “a period of intense physical, emotional and sensory overload resulting in the inability to cope." Debra, who is also autistic and works in an inpatient setting, described a meltdown as “losing control of how I want to be perceived by others and saying things I wouldn’t ‘normally’ say and/or being speechless.”

Meltdowns can be unsafe for multiple reasons. The person having a meltdown might hurt themselves or someone else. Additionally, people who do not understand what a meltdown is or how to appropriately respond might call law enforcement to respond to “aggressive behavior.” This then puts the autistic person’s life at risk, especially if they're Black, Indigenous, or a person of color.

Additionally, law enforcement has very little, if any, training in assisting autistic people, and those visits often result in more violence rather than getting any help for the person having a meltdown.

Why Do Meltdowns Happen?

As noted previously, meltdowns are the result of overwhelm that becomes so intense that the autistic person can no longer tolerate their distress. Autistic people have increased sensory sensitivity partly due to neurobiological differences from non-autistics. In early development, our brains have more than 100 billion neurons.

As neurotypicals develop, their brains prune down to approximately 85 billion neurons. However, autistic individuals tend to have 67% more neurons than non-autistic individuals after the pruning occurs. As a result, autistic people literally experience things more intensely than non-autistics.

If one’s sensory needs are routinely unmet, one might disengage from those needs and be less aware of them to reduce the distress associated with the unmet needs. Unfortunately, when we are less in tune with our needs, we won't realize we're becoming overwhelmed until it is too late. For autistics with lower interoception, this can lead to meltdowns.

Warning Signs of a Meltdown

Everyone’s sensory needs are unique, regardless of neurotype, and anything can be a trigger depending on the individual’s history and sensory experience. Additionally, people can express emotions and distress differently. In fact, many autistic individuals express emotion in ways that do not appear typical. As such, there is not one handy list of meltdown warning signs.

Some common warning signs include:

• Increased stimming behavior in an effort to self-regulate
• Attempts to leave the overstimulating environment
• More abrupt, seemingly “rude” responses
• Covering ears or eyes to reduce sensory input

Kevin, an autistic adult, shared that his meltdowns were overlooked in childhood due to his asthma:  “As a child, my meltdowns were almost entirely missed, because the stress of them would trigger a massive asthma attack … That it concealed the meltdowns, even from me, is something I've had to realize. It's the reason why, when I first realized I could be autistic I didn't think I had meltdowns at all. Only looking back did I see it and realize why I am able to, if not control them entirely, at least be able to shut them down so quickly. Because I basically shut myself down.”

Debra noted that warning signs for meltdowns can include “feeling extra hot, breathing more rapidly, feeling on the verge of tears, feeling absolutely miserable and misunderstood.”

The "Rumble Stage"

The rumble stage refers to the period before a meltdown during which the autistic person is showing signs of becoming overwhelmed but has not reached the point of a full meltdown yet. An individual who has entered the rumble stage is not guaranteed to have a meltdown, and the meltdown can still be prevented with appropriate support. 

Cairns pointed out that the rumble stage can include similar indicators for anxiety, including “excessive nail biting, skin picking, pacing, problems with sleep, etc.” as well as self-medication like using alcohol or drugs. When someone is in the rumble stage, Cairns recommends “creating a low-stimulation environment” that allows the individual to self-regulate appropriately.

Preventing Meltdowns

Because meltdowns can occur in part because of how autistic brains perceive the world around them, it might not be possible to fully prevent all meltdowns. At the same time, you can reduce the frequency and intensity of meltdowns by meeting sensory needs and reducing triggers. 

• Reduce the triggers: Once you have identified triggers for meltdowns, you can reduce the triggers in the environment. For instance, if an autistic individual has sensitivity to clothing textures, finding clothing that feels comfortable and does not trigger sensory overload can reduce the likelihood that they will experience a meltdown.
• Allow them to come and go as they please: Plan to allow the autistic person to leave activating environments. If the autistic person can leave triggering environments, they can self-regulate rather than continue to expose themselves to the trigger.
• Recognize and understand their needs: Accurately understanding what is occurring can reduce the chances of a meltdown. If the autistic person does not understand that they are experiencing meltdowns, they might try to “tough it out” rather than stepping back and getting their sensory needs met. Accurate diagnosis is the first step in recognizing and meeting needs.

LM, an autistic adult, shared: “At first, my neurotypical partner could only see irrational outbursts that frightened him. He would ask me what was wrong and try to figure out what needed to be made better and make recommendations about what I should do to calm down. Like, What are you upset about and let's fix that. This did not work, it just made me bottle up what I was feeling and I had to let it out somewhere else.”

However, as they began to better understand their needs, their partner was able to learn how to help them: “I tried to tell him in between times what would help, which is just to be with me and let me process it all the way through. And there was one instance where as I was melting down, I was able to quickly remind him what to do."

"And he sat beside me and listened to me rant and panic and hate myself and say my worst fears and he didn't try to stop me or argue with me. He just held me (not in a way that was confining but was comforting). And my body processed it through and the calm came on my own. And I felt so much love for him and appreciation, and he saw how it could work instead of trying to prevent me from going the full cycle.”

Coping During a Meltdown

Because meltdowns involve loss of control, it can be unproductive to try and stop a meltdown that has already begun. Chief, an autistic adult, shared: “I think firstly it's important for the autistic person to recognize when they're having a meltdown, and for their loved ones to give them time or space or whatever they need to get over it.” Give space to de-escalate safely and at their own pace.

Another autistic adult, who asked to remain anonymous, shared: “I noticed I need people to not be in my face with talking/questions and not touch me/rub my arm or back or hug me unless I am calm enough to consent (and want that). I usually can't communicate this in the situation [it would be] best if they can remove me from the situation, leave people/noise/smells, lay me down in a darkened room, shield me from other people.”

Care and Support After a Meltdown

Meltdowns are exhausting and draining. After a meltdown, the autistic person will need rest. It may be tempting to try and discuss what triggered the meltdown or address dangerous behavior that occurred during the meltdown, but the autistic person will unlikely be able to engage right after a meltdown. It is better to offer support.

In fact, Debra suggested “not bringing it up, ever, if I don’t bring it up.” Additionally, she recommends giving as much space as the autistic person needs.

Instead, give them space in an environment that fits their sensory needs. It can be helpful to work with them to create a sensory-safe space when they are not overwhelmed so that they can use the space following a meltdown.

Cairns says that you can support an autistic person after a meltdown when you “listen, be present, and accept that this person handles life differently from you. They don’t necessarily want advice or for you to ‘fix it,' but rather, acceptance of where they are in the moment.”

Finding Professional Support

Unfortunately, traditional recommendations for supporting autistic people tend to emphasize the convenience of the people around the autistic person rather than the autistic person’s well-being. Many autistic people who received “treatment” in childhood recall essentially being taught to mask, or hide their autistic traits.

If you are looking for a provider who understands appropriate ways to support an autistic person’s mental health, these directories can help you connect to someone with appropriate qualifications:

• Neurodivergent Therapists: This directory works to connect neurodivergent people with a neurodivergent therapist. Providers who list themselves on this site agree to conduct their practices by the directory’s values, including intersectionality, accessibility, and advocacy.
• Neurodivergent Practitioners: This directory lists both neurodivergent and neurotypical providers who are qualified to support and treat the mental health of neurodivergent clients and have committed to neurodiversity-affirming mental health care.

Autistic people deserve appropriate support that affirms their experience and allows them to live their best lives, rather than simply ignoring their needs for the convenience of the neurotypicals around them. With affirming and compassionate support, they can experience fewer meltdowns and receive appropriate care when meltdowns occur.