What Does It Take to Get Sober? 3 People Share How They Coped

Sobriety is becoming an increasingly popular lifestyle choice. Celebrities are the faces of non-alcoholic brands, mocktail bars are popping up in major cities, and ‘sober curious’ is becoming a household term for those who are re-evaluating their relationship to alcohol. However, we live in a culture where alcohol is a common ingredient in all social gatherings, making it difficult to discern what is typical usage and what is indicative of a greater issue.

We’ll explore exactly what alcohol use disorder is, often referred to as alcoholism, uplift the stories of those who found sobriety, and share steps you can take if you need support. 

What Is Alcohol Use Disorder?

Alcohol use disorder is characterized by a consistent pattern of alcohol use that leads to immense impairment and discomfort. You might be wondering what qualifies as impairment and discomfort. “People who are wondering if they have a problem often try to go without alcohol for a month or set limits on how much they drink,” explains addiction medicine specialist Dr. John Umhau.

He continued by sharing that those suffering from alcohol use disorder think about alcohol differently than those who don’t suffer from the disorder. Simply put, those with alcohol use disorder often obsess about when their next drink is, while those without it don’t drink more than they intend to nor anticipate their next drink.

Furthermore, it isn’t uncommon for those who binge drink to end up developing alcohol use disorder. This is a common condition, with a 2020 study stating about 14% of U.S. adults suffer from alcohol use disorder.

The Voices of Sobriety

Natasha

Natasha first sought sobriety when she was 26 years old. “I knew I could no longer go on pretending that I had a handle on my drinking,” she explains. To her, alcoholism ended up feeling like a mental prison because she was so focused on trying to control her use, which ultimately was out of control. Getting sober at a young age was difficult—she initially thought her social life would be over. It wasn’t until she found a packed meeting on a Friday night, with peers she’d typically be parting with, that she hoped she’d found her place. 

Getting sober wasn’t easy. There was discomfort, but it ultimately changed her life in big and small ways. Above all, she found herself confronting parts of herself that she’d worked to avoid with alcohol. “I have healthy relationships, a career that I can show up to every day, and a deep level of self-worth that I never imagined I’d ever have before I got sober," Natasha says.

Amy

Amy first started drinking alcohol and using drugs when she was 14 years old. Growing up, she witnessed her parents struggle with alcoholism and hated it. But, working in fast-paced restaurants from a young age led her to party with the staff who were older than her. From there, she began living a fast life where she drank, used, and created a life where all of her peers were doing the same. When she was 20, a friend of hers took her to a 12-step meeting that led Amy to be sober for about a year, but it didn’t stick. “I tried again in my 30s, but I relapsed as well,” she shares. 

What helped Amy get sober was the experience of attending a 12-step meeting when she was 20. She knew there was another way to live, so she pursued the tools of the program. Since getting sober, she has seen her business, relationships, and herself get better as a result of working diligently to maintain continuous sobriety every day. A gift she’s seen in her recovery? She gets to be truly present for others. “I’ve seen so many people over the years not make it, and I hope my sobriety can shed the light that you are not alone.” 

Gabbi

Gabbi found her work, relationships, and finances in disarray. The emotional exhaustion and physical discomfort didn’t help much, either. As she found herself in complete desperation, she noticed others around her had found clarity through sobriety. She noticed these people were sincere, grounded, and authentic. They followed through on their actions and seemed joyful.

It didn’t take long for Gabbi, enticed by the spirit of sobriety, to join them. She cites community, God, and a sponsor in a 12-step program as key tenets of what helped her get sober. Since finding sobriety, she found her life, work, and relationships became much more manageable. “I let go of the shame I was holding onto and found the power of vulnerability,” she explains. 

As she reflects on her journey, she urges others to be gentle with themselves. “If you relapse, keep coming back [to sobriety]. Go back to the practices that you found clarity through. You’ll eventually get it again.”

How to Get Help

If some of these stories resonate with you or if the definition of alcohol use disorder feels a bit too familiar, it may be time to get some help. It can be hard to know where to turn, so we asked Alyssa Kushner, a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in recovery, substance use, and sober curiosity, what she recommends for those early in their sobriety journey. “I always recommend two things: at least weekly individual therapy and a support group.”

She continued by explaining various resources like the 12-step program Alcoholics Anonymous, SMART recovery, recovery coaching groups, and therapeutic support groups. The level of care needed for your sobriety journey is unique to you. Seeking out an intensive outpatient program may be another step you take to find lasting recovery. 

Dr. Umhau urges folks not to overlook prescription medications like naltrexone or acamprosate. “These are safe, non-addicting medications that have been proven to help people reduce the craving for alcohol, stay sober and are especially helpful,” he shared. When someone stops drinking alcohol, the brain can begin to experience the alcohol deprivation effect. This is when the brain struggles to adapt to life without the endorphins from alcohol.

"As sobriety continues, the brain pathways that require this endorphin stimulation get stronger and stronger until the desire to drink becomes overwhelming, sometimes resulting in a cycle of binge drinking," Dr. Umhau explains. Naltrexone can halt the cycle of binge drinking by reducing the drive to drink and supporting the brain. However, he is clear that the long-term solution to alcohol use disorder is working on a recovery program and finding healthy sources of endorphins that can replace the endorphins derived from alcohol. 

Finally, don’t underestimate the importance of community support and connection. Recovery programs can be excellent for helping you find like-minded folks who are also working to stay sober. 

What to Do If Someone You Love Is Suffering From Alcoholism

You may be reading this article not because you’re worried about your relationship to alcohol, but because you suspect someone you love is suffering from alcohol use disorder. We turned to the experts for their insight on how one can best support their loved one. “You can help guide them, but you can’t make that choice for them, nor is it your fault if they don’t get sober,” explains Kushner as she considers the scenario of someone not being ready to get sober yet. 

Dr. Umhau recommends learning about Community Reinforcement Approach to Family Training (CRAFT). “The CRAFT program helps families stay connected, improve communication, and effectively encourage their loved ones to get into treatment while taking care of their own needs in the process,” he explains. He continued by stating that research shows the approach of the CRAFT program is more effective than confrontation (which can be part of many well-meaning interventions). 

Kushner stresses the importance of setting boundaries and seeking out your own help (like therapy or a support group). Above all, she recommends folks find their own balance of offering support while also supporting themselves.

Whether it is you suffering or someone you love, know hope is here and change is always possible. Let the wisdom of the voices in this article guide you along your way.