Rizz: What It Is and How to Get It

When someone’s got rizz—trending shorthand for “charisma”—they can make an entire room light up with their unwavering charm. People gravitate toward them, they’ve nailed the art of flirting, and it’s easy for them to socialize, make new friends, and capture the interest of someone special. We all know someone like that—and may sometimes wish we were more like them.

People with rizz make it all seem so easy, but there’s definitely some effort involved in becoming this radiating source everyone wants to talk to and get to know.

Rizz has become such a widely used term that it was named Oxford University Press's 2023 Word of the Year.

Read on to learn more about what rizz is, why it’s such a game-changer in social and dating situations and concrete steps you can take to maximize your own rizz factor. 

So What Is Rizz, Exactly?

Rizz is a popular dating term that gained popularity on TikTok via Gen Z. It’s technically short for charisma, but it goes further than just your standard definition of the term. Rizz specifically refers to the charm someone has in the context of dating and being viewed as desirable or attractive by others. 

In other words, someone with rizz knows how to easily work a room and capture romantic and sexual attention from others. And it’s not just because of their physical appearance—rizz is all about earning genuine interest via pure personality. 

Rizz is essentially the same as having "game" and is frequently associated with stereotypically hetero-male behaviors of being forward and confident when approaching women, ideally without the negative aspects. However, women and queer folks can certainly have rizz as well—it really comes down to confidence.

“Some rizz is spoken and other people have unspoken rizz,” says psychologist Michele Goldman, PsyD. “Generally, people think of rizz as being able to easily approach another person they’re attracted to, flirt with that person with ease, be charming and ultimately attract a partner.” 

And then there are the related terms in the TikTok lexicon. "W Rizz" refers to a Rizz win, "L Rizz" is a riss loss—in other words, sometimes your rizz game is strong and sometimes it's weak.

Unspoken rizz, on the other hand, is someone who acts confident through their body language and the way they carry themselves. They might make eye contact with another person that is intriguing, or they can communicate easily via facial expressions and their smile. 

A balanced combination of both and you might just be irresistible. 

How To Increase Your Rizz

Being self-aware and comfortable in your own skin is sexy to a lot of people, making you a magnetic force or a beacon in a crowd, notes matchmaker and relationship expert Tammy Shaklee. Here’s how you can refine your rizz.

Say Hello More Often 

If you tend to be shy, a great way to break out of that comfort zone is to simply say hello to the people you encounter. “Give sweet greetings to various dogs at the dog park and acknowledge and say good morning to an elder at the grocery store,” Shaklee says.

Also enthusiastically greet people you know, even if you don’t know them well, and make an effort to say hello to new faces. This makes you more visible, and it builds self-confidence and rizz.

Ask Questions 

Another way to easily enter into a conversation or make yourself more visible is to simply ask questions. People enjoy talking about themselves because it’s easy to do so, and asking about them shows that you care enough to get to know them. 

When you can, grab onto a shared interest and connect on it. “It becomes much easier to talk to someone when you find something that you have in common,” Goldman says. “This leads to a more natural back-and-forth conversation, instead of one person doing more of the work. It also reduces anxiety when there's common ground.”

Increase Eye Contact and Smile

Increase eye contact and be open with body language. Goldman says, “It can be very attractive when the person you’re talking to is looking directly into your eyes. This communicates they are a priority, despite other distractions.”

Research has also found that smiling can make others perceive you as more attractive, trustworthy, and intelligent. It also conveys a sense of openness and happiness.

That said, try to refrain from “closed off” body language, like folding your arms across your chest, slouching, looking down, or busying yourself with your phone.

Treat Everyone Equally 

Kindness speaks volumes, and you’ll capture the right kind of attention from others when you make sure to treat everyone in your path equally. Whether it’s the person clearing your food, the “popular kid” at the party, or someone you’ve never seen in your life, treat them with respect. “Kind is the number one quality most singles are seeking,” Shaklee says. “Be that person, or make a plan to work on it if you are not.” 

Use Humor 

Humor is a great way to earn positive attention or curb any awkward tension. It also makes people feel easier around you, as if you’re not going to take things too seriously and are happy to have a good time.

Be Candid 

If you’re vibing with the other person, let them know with compliments and affirmations. This is a gentle way of expressing interest without coming on too strong.

Goldman says this one might make you feel a bit anxious since it requires vulnerability, but with practice you’ll find it’s easier. What's more, a 2020 study even found that if a compliment-giver felt anxious about giving a compliment, they still felt better after having done so.

Not to mention, the more transparent you are about liking the other person, the quicker you’ll know whether they’re digging you, too.

Why Rizz Matters

Rizz obviously makes you more attractive to potential partners, but it goes beyond the ability to get someone’s number or take them on a date. Rizz makes it easier for you to form connections with people and hold their attention in an authentic way over the long term. It also just helps you feel more confident in your everyday life, which can benefit you everywhere from the office to the coffee shop. 

“There is a balance you want to find with rizz,” Goldman says. “You don’t want to be over the top. Overly confident and cocky is not appealing to many, but you want to have a healthy level of confidence in yourself.”

That said, while having rizz matters, it is most important to have rizz that matches your personality. The goal is to be genuine versus an actor playing a part, the latter of which can ultimately backfire. True rizz occurs when you’re confident in yourself and are connecting authentically.