Suicidal Thoughts and Depression in Children

While many people think of depression as an adult condition, roughly 3% of children experience depression as well. If that isn't heartbreaking enough on its own, suicidal thoughts or thoughts of killing oneself can accompany depression—even in children. How can you know if your child is having suicidal thoughts and what can you do?

How to Tell If Your Child Is Having Suicidal Thoughts

Suicidal thoughts, also known as suicidal ideation, may not always be completely obvious to others, not even to a child's parents. Part of the reason for that is that children with suicidal thoughts will probably not speak directly about them as an adult might.

Instead, suicidal thoughts in children may manifest through an interest in and/or preoccupation with suicide or death. You may notice signs of this preoccupation in your child's clothing, the shows they watch on television, the websites they visit on the computer, through what they write in journals or even on homework, or in the way in which they identify with others who are depressed or have spoken of suicide.

On the other hand, sometimes a child will speak directly about wanting to die or a wish to kill themselves. They might even speak indirectly about wanting "to make it all go away" or thinking "the world would be a better place without me."

Often, there are few signs of suicidal thoughts in children, especially in children who are more shy or withdrawn. If this is the case with your child, how can you know as a parent if they are having suicidal thoughts? A key may be recognizing the signs of childhood depression, knowing that suicidal thoughts and depression can go hand in hand.

Depression in Children Is a Risk for Suicidal Thoughts

If your child hasn't openly expressed any suicidal thoughts, it's important to recognize the possible symptoms of childhood depression, since these are often associated with suicidal thoughts. This may include feelings such as worthlessness, hopelessness, and social withdrawal.

Suicidal thoughts do not always lead to a suicide attempt, but such thoughts are believed to increase a child's risk.

Suicide is one of the scary consequences of untreated depression in children, but depression in children can be devastating in other ways as well.

What to Do If Your Child Is Having Suicidal Thoughts

A child's depressed or suicidal thoughts may not always be obvious, which is why seeking treatment for your child's depression is important. A trained mental health professional may be able to pick up on subtle cues of suicidal thoughts by talking to your child, conducting psychological tests, and assessing individual risk factors, such as previous suicide attempts and the severity of your child's depression.

Additionally, therapeutic treatment for depression can help to decrease your child's suicidal thoughts if they are having them. If your doctor suggests medication, such as an antidepressant, do your homework.

Although generally safe and effective, research has indicated that the use of antidepressants, including selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), can increase suicidal ideation in some children and adolescents.

The most effective way to manage a child's depression usually involves close monitoring by doctors and mental health professionals and a multidisciplinary approach to treatment.

Tips on Communicating With Your Child

If you decide to talk about depression with your child, you may be concerned about saying the "right" thing. But the truth is that just having an open and honest discussion with your child can provide them with much-needed support.

With a few tips, concerned parents and caregivers can confidently talk about depression with their children.

Keep the Talk Age-Appropriate

• Make sure that your child understands what you are saying and is not confused or bored by the discussion.
• Use words that your child can understand. Words such as "depression" or "emotional reaction" are probably too complex for a younger child but may be appropriate for an older child or adolescent.
• Try comparing your child's depression to something that your child is already familiar with like a physical illness such as the flu or an ear infection.

Keep the Conversation Positive

• Depression is a serious illness that causes emotional and physical pain, but try to keep the conversation focused on the positive.
• By maintaining a positive and hopeful outlook in your discussions, you will avoid unnecessarily alarming your child.

Be Honest

• Don't make promises you cannot keep.
• Don't go into detail about topics that you are not certain of.
• Do tell your child what you do know.
• Make a list of questions to discuss with your child's mental health professional.

Be Compassionate

• Your child needs to know that you recognize and respect their feelings.
• Even if you do not quite understand their thoughts, don't dismiss their feelings.
• Avoid comments like "What do you have to be depressed about?" or "Don't be ridiculous."
• Dismissive comments can cause a child to hide their feelings or become defensive.

Be a Good Listener

• Allow your child to talk openly and express their opinions and thoughts.
• Avoid interrupting, judging or punishing them for their feelings.
• Listening demonstrates that they have someone they can confide in help to sort out their feelings.

Ask Questions

If you are concerned, directly ask your child if they are thinking about suicide. Contrary to what was believed in the past, talking about suicide will not give your child ideas. Instead, it can help them recognize the problem and know when and how to ask for help.

If there are any safety concerns, do not provide judgment or discipline; simply remove your child from immediate danger, do not leave them alone, and get them immediate help.

Never dismiss suicidal thoughts in a child and never promise to keep them a secret. Any suicidal thoughts or behaviors should be brought to the attention of your child's pediatrician or mental health provider immediately. If needed, bring the child to an emergency room or call an ambulance.

A Word From Verywell

Suicidal thoughts should always be taken very seriously, and it should never be assumed that your child is only seeking attention. Always seek help and address these thoughts as potential warning signs of suicide. Sometimes children are afraid to express these thoughts and may present them in a joking manner. Suicide is far too common in children, and any thoughts should be addressed.

Likewise, if you see a health care provider who doesn't believe your child's suicidal thoughts are serious even though you do, get another opinion. Trust your instincts when it comes to your child. You know them better than anyone.

Make sure that your kids know that they can ask for help if they ever think about hurting themselves, including calling the suicide hotline listed above, calling their doctor, calling 911, or going to a local crisis center or the emergency room.