As a Psychologist With ADHD, Here Are 6 Things That Get On Our Nerves

It can be challenging to exist in a world that is not built for you and does not understand you. Neurodivergent people are typically expected to change our behavior and mannerisms to meet the standards around us, even when doing so is exhausting. If we are unable or unwilling to conform, we face ridicule and punishment.

People with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHDers) often find ourselves frustrated and irritated for a variety of reasons. As a psychologist with ADHD, I understand this both from a professional perspective and through my lived experience. Here are six things that many ADHDers find irritating.

Slow Walkers

When I first began work on this article, I asked my fellow ADHDers how they would answer the question, “What is the thing that most irritates you as someone with ADHD?”. The most popular answer was “slow walkers.” Research shows that ADHDers have distinct gait patterns compared to non-ADHD peers, and we tend to walk faster.

Many of us also struggle with patience and waiting. This combination makes walking behind someone whose gait is slower than ours infuriating.

Being Interrupted

As the name suggests, many ADHDers struggle with attention. However, we don’t talk as much about the other side of attention issues: when we become so engrossed in a task that it is like nothing else exists. This is sometimes called “flow” or hyperfocus, and it is not an exclusively ADHD experience.

However, because my ADHD makes it more difficult for me to get into that flow state, interruptions can be painful. I was just getting going when someone or something else demanded my attention! Now, I have to start over. Additionally, since some ADHDers have difficulty transitioning from one task to another, I now have to dedicate energy to shifting to the interruption and then back to my task.

(My husband came into my office and interrupted me while I was writing that paragraph.)

Being Told I Don't Have ADHD

The Dunning–Kruger effect refers to when someone with limited information about a topic significantly overestimates their knowledge. It is the reason why men on social media who read one article on a psychology site think they know more than I do about the mental health system and try to explain it to me when I did not ask for their input.

One piece of unsolicited feedback that I get from strangers sometimes is that they don’t think I have ADHD. It is interesting to me that someone who has read a handful of my tweets knows more about my brain than the licensed professionals who performed extensive testing before diagnosing me and treating me for that diagnosis.

If you see or hear someone sharing their experience as an ADHDer and you think, “Hm, they don’t seem like they have ADHD to me,” consider a few things. First, you are not inside their head, so you do not know their experience. Second, chances are you are not qualified to make that determination. And third, is that really a helpful thought to share?

Unhelpful Suggestions

If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me if I have tried using a planner, I would have about $50, which isn’t a lot of money, but it is a lot of times to be told the same thing. When someone expresses that they are having a hard time, it’s natural to want to offer suggestions that you think they might find helpful. But for ADHDers who tend to hear the same suggestions over and over again, this does little more than irritate us.

When an ADHDer is venting or explaining a struggle they experience, please know that there is a 99% chance that we have already heard the handy tip you want to share with us. You can commiserate and empathize without offering feedback (unless we specifically ask for it).

Presumed Incompetence

This issue is not limited to the ADHD community—those with intellectual disabilities, learning disabilities, and other disabled communities report discrimination and mistreatment as a result of the presumption of incompetence.

When someone discloses to you that they are diagnosed with ADHD, what assumptions do you make about them? There is a good chance that your internalized biases cause you to believe they are less capable than before you knew their diagnosis. Be mindful and take steps to counter your ableism.

Misinformation from Professionals

I know it can be difficult to find accurate information in today’s world. Even seemingly reputable sources often share misinformation. This is why, although irritating, I can understand why someone who is not an expert might believe false information about ADHD and other neurodivergences. At the same time, I often see misinformation about ADHD shared by self-proclaimed “experts” in my own field.

I have seen psychologists and psychiatrists make claims, including that ADHD "goes away" when you turn 18, that medication for ADHD is never beneficial, and even that the concept of ADHD does not actually exist at all!

How can we expect the general public to understand ADHD when actual, licensed professionals are the ones misinforming them? When we teach fact-checking and social media literacy, we often encourage people to seek out accounts from those with the training and credentials to speak to topics, and yet some of the most dangerous misinformation I have seen came straight from a so-called professional.

If you want to be less irritating to the ADHDers in your life, listen to them. Support them in the ways that they find helpful, combat misinformation, and let us walk as fast as we need to.