How Not to Speak to Someone With ADHD

Misconceptions about attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) are common and can lead to hurtful, unproductive comments and interpersonal conflict. Here's what you shouldn't say to someone with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder(ADHD).

Common ADHD Misconceptions

You've likely heard some (or all) of the following faulty and provoking statements about the condition:

• It's a made-up disorder.
• It's overdiagnosed and overmedicated.
• It's a benign, inconsequential problem that disappears with good parenting and adulthood.
• Everyone has some ADHD.
• ADHD medications are harmful.
• Parents should avoid having their children "labeled as ADHD."
• misinformation makes knowing what not to say to a person with ADHD

If you'd like to be as supportive as possible of a loved one living with ADHD, avoid saying or implying these things.

Don't Minimize or Dismiss the Condition

ADHD is more than just difficulties with attention span, and it doesn't always involve physical hyperactivity. In fact, severe ADHD ups the odds of trouble with work, finances, interpersonal relationships, and family life—so much so that it also increases the risk of suicide. Denying the validity of ADHD as a condition can make a person with ADHD feel overlooked, pushed aside, insignificant, stupid, or doubted.

Instead, realize that ADHD is a valid, common condition with recognizable symptoms that affect a person's ability to function in various settings. It affects adults as well as children.

Don't Suggest That ADHD Is Overdiagnosed

People sometimes say things like, "Children are naturally active and energetic. There's no problem." However, the parents of the more than six million children who have been diagnosed with ADHD would likely disagree; their children's symptoms are very real.

Down the road, undiagnosed ADHD can lead to academic, behavioral, emotional, social, and vocational problems later in life. Suggesting that ADHD is overdiagnosed can discourage the person from getting the help that can prevent them.

Don't Criticize ADHD Symptoms

Uninformed people often assume a child or adult with ADHD is lazy and could succeed if they'd "just try harder," To avoid hurt feelings, anger, and resentment, don't connect the malady to a character flaw.

Avoid making comments such as "People use ADHD as an excuse for bad behavior," or "They are just lazy and need to try harder."

People with ADHD often perform tasks inconsistently, completing some tasks quickly and correctly and others, poorly. This uneven pattern of productivity and accuracy can be frustrating for those who don't fully understand the impairments associated with the disorder. The truth is that people with ADHD exert a tremendous amount of energy and effort just trying to organize, focus, and keep themselves on track.

Don't Blame Parenting or Discipline

Many parents of children with ADHD have to deal with judgments around their parenting ability. However, poor parenting or a lack of discipline does not lead to ADHD. Avoid making such judgmental statements.

That said, children with ADHD can be much more challenging to parent. It's easy to become frustrated and doubt your own parenting skills, especially when these misperceptions abound.

Remember that ADHD is a neurobiological condition caused primarily by genetics. Certainly, a person's environment can influence the expression of ADHD, however, and those with ADHD can benefit from structure, routines, and behavioral interventions.

Don't Discriminate

Never make comments suggesting that people with ADHD get benefits or advantages that others don't. Avoid making statements like "Students with ADHD who receive special accommodations have unfair advantages."

If ADHD affects learning and impairs academic performance in the classroom, a student may receive instructional support and accommodations. The purpose of such special accommodations is to ensure that the individual educational needs of the student with disabilities are met as adequately as the needs of those students without disabilities.

Avoid Making Comparisons

Never suggest that "ADHD in girls is less severe than ADHD in boys." It is a common misconception that girls and women with ADHD are less affected by their symptoms than men with ADHD.

The fact is women with ADHD experience significant struggles that are often overlooked. Women with ADHD are often misdiagnosed as having depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder.

Girls with unrecognized, untreated ADHD tend to internalize problems to a much greater degree. Research has also shown that some women with ADHD had an increased risk of certain problems compared to their male counterparts:

• Cigarette smoking
• Overall lower self-esteem
• More self-injurious behaviors

Like undiagnosed boys and men with ADHD, undiagnosed girls and women are also at risk for chronic underachievement.

The difficulty mothers with ADHD face in coping with the demands of everyday life can easily overflow into parenting. Because of the genetic link to ADHD, many of these mothers will be parenting children with ADHD—children who require even more in terms of organization, attention, and consistency.

A Word From Verywell

Inaccurate beliefs about ADHD often prevent parents of children with ADHD and adults with ADHD from seeking treatment. Without appropriate interventions and supports, many continue to struggle needlessly. It is important to correct these misconceptions so that people with ADHD can enjoy an improved quality of life and fulfill their potetial.