What to Do If Your Teen Refuses to Go to Counseling

Adolescence isn't always easy, and teens face many concerns and struggles that can affect their mental well-being. While therapy for teens can be helpful, not every teen is willing to try it. So, what do you do if your child needs help but refuses to go to therapy?

Some teens are happy to go to therapy. They enjoy talking to an objective adult who can assist with some of their problems. However, not all teens are on board with therapy, and convincing a reluctant teen to go to counseling can feel like an uphill battle.

The experience may leave parents asking questions like: Should I force my child to see a therapist? Can I bribe my kid to go? Should I just give up on the idea of therapy?

Reasons Your Teen Might Refuse Therapy

Therapy can be an intimidating prospect for anyone, particularly if they have no experience with any mental health treatment. Some reasons why a teen might refuse to attend therapy include:

• Stigma can play a role; teens might feel like needing help is shameful or embarrassing. 
• They might think therapy, medication, or lifestyle changes won't help.
• They might not think that there is anything wrong that requires treatment.
• Symptoms of their condition may make them feel hopeless and unmotivated to seek help.
  

The teen years are also when kids forge their identities and gain greater independence. They may lack the perspective to recognize that they need help and may fear that therapy may undermine their sense of personal control and autonomy.

Should You Force Your Teen to Get Treatment?

A teen who feels forced to get treatment isn’t likely to be motivated to change. So even if they get dragged to their appointments, they aren't likely to talk about their issues—at least not in a productive manner. 

That's not to say you shouldn't make it mandatory that your teen attend at least a few appointments.

Of course, there may be times when your teen needs help, regardless of whether they agree. If they're at risk of hurting themselves or someone else, call 911 or take them to the emergency room. If they're engaging in risky behavior, treatment should be mandatory.

How to Bring Up the Subject With Your Teen

If you think your teen might need counseling, the way you bring up the subject is very important. Your first conversation will likely set the tone for your teen's attitude about therapy.

It’s common for teens to be embarrassed by their problems, and it can be hard for them to admit they need help. So it's important to avoid sending a message that could cause feelings of shame.

Say something like, "I wonder if it would be helpful for you to have someone to talk to besides me." Or say, "I don't always know how to help you with problems so I wonder if it could be helpful for you to talk to someone who works with teens."

Talk to Your Teen's Doctor

Whether you are concerned about possible ADHD, or you think your teen may have depression, start by talking to your teen’s primary care physician. A doctor can assess your teen's needs and help determine whether they would benefit from counseling.

If further treatment is necessary, a doctor can identify your child's most appropriate services and treatment professionals. Even if your teen isn’t willing to attend those services, understanding your options and resources is essential.

Options When Your Teen Refuses Counseling

If your teen refuses to go to counseling, don’t despair. You still have several options about how to get help.

Try Therapy Yourself

Seek counseling on your own without your teen. Often, parent-training can be one of the most effective ways to help teens. A therapist may be able to teach you how to coach your child. If your teen knows you're going to counseling to talk about them, they might also be interested in going to share "their side" of the story.

Talk to the School Counselor

Speak with your teen’s school guidance counselor. Discuss whether any services are available within the school system to help your child. A teen who won't meet with a counselor outside of school may be willing to speak with a guidance counselor.

Create a Contract

Create a contract with your teen. If it's a mild issue that you're concerned about, create a contract with your teen. Tell your teen that they have to go to a certain number of sessions before they can make a decision about whether to continue treatment. 

Consider Online Counseling

Sometimes, teens who won't speak to someone face-to-face will consider talking to a therapist online. Online treatment isn't appropriate for every condition, so it's important to speak to a therapist or your teen's physician about the potential pros and cons before you begin treatment. 

Keep in Mind

It can be challenging if your teen is reluctant or refuses to go to therapy, but there are things you can do to help them feel more comfortable. Start by talking about the topic, and help them understand that therapy is not shameful or embarrassing. You may even consider enlisting the help of your child's doctor or school counselor. If your child still refuses, other options are available, like online therapy or family therapy.