Why Can't I Remember My Childhood? A Therapist Explains

Our early childhood experiences shape our self-concept and engagement with the world. These memories are key to our identity development as we move into adulthood. As a therapist, I often help clients reflect on their past, as the past helps us understand the present. But what happens if a client can't remember their childhood?

There's a common misconception that trauma is the main cause of childhood amnesia. A logical assumption but is completely unfounded. There are many reasons why one might not remember their childhood, from the complexities of brain development to a lack of social experiences.

If you're worried about not remembering your childhood—and what possibly caused it—read on to learn more about childhood amnesia, how memory is developed throughout childhood, what causes these struggles with memory, and how to cope with the lost memories.  

Childhood Amnesia

Childhood amnesia, also known as infantile amnesia, refers to the inability of adults to retrieve early childhood memories. It's completely normal to not remember episodic experiences that occurred from ages 0 to 3 and have a sparse selection of memories that occurred before age 10. Unlike "normal" adult memory loss where you forget small details over time, this memory recollection cannot be attributed to time passing.

Normal Memory Development in Childhood

Remember, it is natural not to remember everything from your youth. A study found that it is common for children to misestimate the ages their memories occurred as they grow up. For example, they might remember a particular play date but will state it happened over a year later than it did.

Part of what can cause normal memory loss is the development of the hippocampus. The hippocampus is a region of the brain which is particularly important in the formations of memories of events that happened to us. It is also one of the unique regions of the brain that continues to produce new neurons into adulthood.

One hypothesis about why early memories are not remembered is that as these rapidly growing new neurons in childhood get integrated into brain circuits, they disrupt earlier networks of memories.

Reasons Why You Might Not Remember Your Childhood

Episodic or autobiographical memories are typically stored in the hippocampus-dependent learning and memory system. That's not the case for certain traumatic memories, where the hippocampus may be bypassed, engaging different areas of the brain making these memories more difficult to retrieve.

Childhood amnesia can also be caused by genetic mutations that deteriorate the hippocampus. Studies report that a gene mutation or cellular alteration can dysregulate the development of the hippocampus and lead to rapid memory loss.

How to Cope With Childhood Memory Loss

Not being able to recall your childhood memories may be concerning. It is important to recognize that aspect of this are expectable. However if this is causing you significant distress, it might be a good idea to seek out psychotherapy. A therapist can help you better understand and work through what this might reflect.

If there are aspects of this that relate to early trauma, there are therapies that can help in processing this such as eye movement and desensitization reprocessing (EMDR) and other trauma focused psychotherapies.

Final Thoughts

The inability to remember parts of your life can feel scary. Our past inevitably informs our present and being unable to fully recall your past can leave you wondering if you’re missing out on understanding key parts of yourself. Some of these types of memory gaps are a normal part of the process of our brain development.

But if there are significant memory gaps that may be related to childhood trauma—it may be time to seek support. A therapist is a great place to start. If you sense there's a medical issue causing your memory loss, give your doctor a call.

There are activities that we can focus on in the present that help us make positive memories, including being intentional and mindful with your time and taking photos or keeping a journal. It can all add up to a vault of memories you can cherish now and forever.